Why small talk is a big deal!

Why small talk is a big deal!

f you’d rather run a 10K than chat two hours at a holiday party, you’re not alone.  In fact, dread of what many refer to as schmoozing knows no bounds; it can make CEOs as well systems analysts sweat.

But small talk is no small matter when it comes to getting ahead—or even getting even.  And by getting even, I don’t mean revenge.  Although many people consider chit-chat an interruption to their day—or a bigger downside, a drain to productivity—here are the vital roles small talk serves:

• Small talk builds rapport.  It gives people a sense of who you are personally.  The topic rarely matters.  The act of talking itself takes center stage.  Do you have a sense of humor?  Do you gossip?  Do you typically talk about current events?  Or are you constantly talking about work?   Do you always focus on yourself, or do you show interest in others?  Do you tend to lecture people, or do you like to ask questions and let other people have the floor?  Rapport makes it easier later to ask for a favor, referral, or support for an idea when you need it.
• Small talk conveys caring. Asking about someone’s health, remembering  to ask about a pending job offer, referring to someone’s hobby—genuine interest about any of these shows personal concern.   Show me a person who doesn’t warm up under the spotlight of genuine concern, and I’ll show you an oddball.
• Small talk surfaces commonalities.  Small talk helps you identify similar experiences, skills, values, likes, or dislikes. These stepping stones become the reasons for and path to more interactions.  Maybe you can refer clients, suppliers, or potential employees to each other. Would it make sense to work on a project together?
• Small talk opens the door to new relationships.   All relationships are the sum total of conversations stacked end to end.  Nowhere but on Facebook do complete strangers send you messages like this:  “Hey, can we be friends?  You look like a wonderful person of strong character.  I think I’m in love with you.  I want a deep, caring relationship. Please tell me all about yourself.”   In real life, relationships at work or in your community start with simple conversations and grow from there.
• Small talk churns up new data and ideas.   The motto “Loose lips sink ships” reminded American soldiers in World War II to watch their unguarded tongues.  I’m always intrigued about how much random, but useful information surfaces in watercooler conversations.    As Donald Rumsfeld once famously remarked:  “There are known knowns. These are the things we know that we know. There are known unknowns. That is to say, there are things that we know we don’t know. But there are also unknown unknowns. There are things we don’t know we don’t know.”

Small talk splashes up some of the unknown unknowns that can guide you in your career—the real but untitled leaders in an organization, unadvertised job openings, what attitudes the organization rewards.

• Small talk recalibrates your perceptions.   It’s always good to hear others’ perspective on topics of the day.  It can be either startling or motivating to hear their perception on issues where you thought you held the majority view.